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Bullying in the Workplace: Who Bullies Whom?
Over 40% of employees in the workplace have experienced bullying, a persistent pattern of behavior that intimidates, degrades or otherwise undermines the wellbeing of the target. Bullying is four times more prevalent than sexual abuse, and, according to a study at the...
The Unintended Consequences of Being an Introvert
As more and more attention is being paid to introversion, thanks to Susan Cain and her book, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,” the world is slowly becoming aware of introvert value and, what’s better, willing to make some adjustments...
Introversion, Gut Feelings, and Trust
Maybe – just maybe – your gut-level feeling that you shouldn’t be doing something is right. But if you’re an introvert, you’ve probably had a lifetime of being told to ignore your feelings, and urged to act just the opposite. Want to stay home and read? “What’s the...
Transforming your year
Everyone tells you that you must have a clear vision of where you want to go and who you want to be. Not everyone tells you exactly how – and how not – to get to that vision. For example, suppose you want a life in which you are well paid and appreciated for your...
The Holiday Time and Energy Bandits
Time and energy bandits are habits and thought processes that can suck you dry, leaving you exhausted and harried. One of these bandits, which particularly rears its head at the holiday season, is perfectionism. Now perfectionism is a wonderful trait – in its place....
Introvert Nervousness – Friend or Foe?
“I’m now able to give a talk in public, but I’m still nervous. I guess I won’t ever get over it.” The speaker was a woman in one of my seminars, and the topic was introversion and public speaking. Her assumption was that because she was an introvert, nervousness was...
What If…?
A friend and I took a lovely paddleboat ride on the Mississippi River one day, past old crumbling brick walls backed by sparkling new skyscrapers, learning a lot of history that we had never heard. The good time almost didn’t happen, due to a careless mistake on my...
The Introvert’s Dilemma – Showing up or Skulking?
A friend and I had a conversation recently, in which she remarked that, when confronted with three side-by-side doors, she would always choose one of the side doors. And I thought about that, because we introverts often slide along the edges of life, skulking. I...
Introvert Anger: The Good, The Bad, and The Downright Ugly
Are you an introvert? Afraid of anger? Your own and other people's? You're not alone. We introverts are famous for becoming clams when we're hurt or affronted. After all, anger can involve raised voices, threatening language - all that over-stimulation against...
How not to motivate introverts
Introverts: We’re 51% of the population, and still people don’t get who we are and how we function best. We are in your workplace as employees, colleagues, managers, bosses. We can be a family member, child, lover, or friend. We are definitely well represented among...
Can an introvert have an exciting life and survive?
Yes, many do. Many do not. Performers are, surprisingly often, introverts, because performing provides a perfect platform for an introvert. A performance usually involves a structured situation with behavior that is well-rehearsed; furthermore, we can usually perform...
3 Time Expansion Tips for Introverts
Introverts often feel harried, trying to rush towards that time when they can kick back and relax, freed from all social – and other—obligation. This is especially true when the introvert works in a busy organization where much of what happens is not under the...
Becoming a socially connected introvert – without exhausting yourself
I read the introverts forums, I watch the comments, and I feel a little dismayed. “Why won’t people leave me alone?” “I don’t like small talk, so I avoid people.” “Being around people is just so exhausting that I spend all my free time alone.” “I hate even the thought...
The Yin, Yang and Dopamine in Relationships
Some people like to linger until the very end of a party; others like to leave early. Unfortunately, they frequently marry each other. They may very well have met and been attracted to each other because of these opposite qualities: one represents tranquility,...
Are Introverts just too quiet?
I hear it often – in person, from clients, on the internet – “I’m told I’m too quiet, and need to speak out more.” I’ve had more than one client whose job review included that feedback. And the client says to me, “But I only speak when I really have something...
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off…
Making a mistake or doing something klutzy can make anyone uncomfortable. Some people are more uncomfortable than others, going home, pulling the covers over their heads, and trying to sleep, haunted over and over by pictures of the embarrassing incident....
Two small steps towards speaking confidence
If you are one of those people who feels uncomfortable about speaking up in group settings, take heart. It is possible to learn to be a relaxed contributor.One of my early clients said, “Oh, I know what you’re going to say – just take a deep breath and force...
A New Year, a New Life
January is the time of fresh starts, fresh ideas, and an urge to create a new, better life.Often, we start out with high hopes, only to sink by February 1 as if the balloon carrying our hopes had been punctured.We need a plan, a roadmap if you will, that we can...
The Dark of the Year and the Dancing Saints
As the days grow shorter and darker, I find myself mentally withdrawing into a kind of warm, personal cave – a cozy one filled with minute lights and small comforts, in which I experience a minimum of demands on me.Over the years, I have come to realize that the Dark...
Simple Gifts
Personal note Last night I traveled through the first snowstorm of the season to give my new talk, “The Roadmap to Cherish,” to a group of divorcing women. Apprehensive and fearful about the process through which they are going, they nevertheless were thoughtful and...
Choose Your Foods and Choose Your Moods
Personal note Thanksgiving has just come upon us (and follows us around in the form of leftovers) with all its claims on our energy – shopping, food preparation, traveling, dealing with people we may not see very often (some of them difficult), and … oh, yes,...