Whose Deadline Is It, Anyway?

Personal note

I wrote today’s article in 2011, and I’m recycling it because I am being crowded by deadlines again, as I’m pretty sure you are too as the Fall season kicks off, and I firmly believe that “Stress Makes Us Stupid.” We need constant reminders of that, and about what we can do to relieve the pressure.

On the edge of starting to breathe in an anxious way, I realized this was a good time to remind myself that 90% of what we stress about is not “out there.” It’s all in our heads.

Along the way, I found out where the term “deadline” originated. It seems that in a prisoner of war camp during the Civil War there was a line about 6 feet from the edge of the camp. Any prisoner who crossed that line was shot dead. Do you know how few experiences there are in life where crossing a certain line – physically or metaphorically – results in your death?

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Whose Deadline Is It, Anyway?

There are real deadlines it’s important to meet: dialing 911 within seconds after witnessing symptoms of a heart attack or stroke comes to mind immediately as an example that meets the true definition of “deadline.”

Responding to the urgent request of a loved one, especially a child, or of a valued client or customer is another.

But then there are deadlines we obey because we are … obedient. They are only urgent to the extent that we are dependent on a self-image of a “good person” who is consistent, reliable, faithful, and always on time. Sort of like a dog, except for the last bit about being on time.

Taking seriously the request of someone who pays your salary is probably not something to debate. But there are deadlines that we obey because someone else requires it – they are someone else’s urgency. I have a friend who constantly rushes his girlfriend when they go shopping, fearful that all the checkout lines will be much longer if they delay an instant. How seriously you take someone else’s deadline depends on the seriousness of the consequences, but many people simply respond immediately to another person’s sense of urgency without asking, “Why is this important to me?”

The deadlines I was missing were all the result of a personal preference: wanting to get something finished in order to feel good about it. You may have a mental picture of a calm, peaceful time that awaits you just on the other side of that deadline. Of course, in the meantime you are stressing yourself badly in order to get to that calm, peaceful place. Why not just jump to that calm, peaceful place? You could just seize the day and remain calm and peaceful as long as those barriers, which you have not erected and which are not under your control, are in place.

Then there are deadlines that will cost us something if we miss them – lost time, a little discomfort, some money. How serious this is depends on your resources.

I almost missed a connecting flight to London last year, and stopped myself in time from stressing my body for the entire first leg of the flight. Yes, it was my fault that I hadn’t allowed enough time in between flights, so the airline would have charged me if I had had to take a later flight, and I would have had to sit in an airport, perhaps for hours. Yes, I would have spent a little less freely on my vacation because of this additional expense.

But it’s a lot better than being dead, which is what can happen to you if you repeatedly believe that life is a series of deadlines that you must meet or else.

This low-level panic takes a heavy toll on you psychologically and physically, lowering your immune system responsiveness and ultimately shortening your life.

I sat back, relaxed, and found that the winter scenery going East was very different from my usual trip to the West Coast, and quite beautiful. Focusing on it, instead of my worry, made for a very pleasurable flight.

When pressured, I’ve learned to ask the following questions: “Whose deadline is it, anyway?” “Why is it a deadline?” and “What will it cost me if I miss it?” If you can afford the cost, relax. It’s probably a lot less than the cost of the mistakes you might make, relationships you might disrupt, and health issues that will arise because of continually putting yourself under stress.

By the way, I easily made it to my flight to London, strolling leisurely from the gate at which I came in to the new gate, with time to spare, reminding me once again that 90% of our stress lies in our thinking, not in reality.

Worrying wouldn’t have gotten the plane there one second sooner.