{"id":1088,"date":"2012-04-23T22:53:47","date_gmt":"2012-04-23T22:53:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/creativelifechanges.com\/?p=1088"},"modified":"2017-11-17T21:07:46","modified_gmt":"2017-11-17T21:07:46","slug":"watch-how-you-tell-your-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quietbrillianceconsulting.com\/watch-how-you-tell-your-story\/","title":{"rendered":"Watch How You Tell Your Story!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Personal note<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
This week I\u2019m off to London, Ontario, Canada, to meet with my coach in person, as well as the other wonderful people in my Master Mind group. The very thought of traveling (which makes me more creative, especially at 30,000 feet altitude) and sharing stories with others has lifted my spirits so much that I\u2019m almost giddy.The last week has been a mixed bag: some wins, some losses, but all of it, in retrospect, has had an element of humor in it.\u00a0 So I resurrected this article from last year\u2026..<\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
\n

Watch How You Tell Your Story!<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

When bad things happen to good people (you), there is an irresistible urge to share the load by talking about it.\u00a0 This can have two good results:<\/span><\/p>\n

You relieve yourself of some of the pressure by sharing<\/span>
\n You may have insights into a problem when talking with someone else.<\/span><\/p>\n

It feels comforting to rush to friends or loved ones to tell them all the bad things that have been happening to you, but it can backfire.\u00a0 Along the way, you may mentally rehearse everything you\u2019re going to tell them, making sure not to omit any details.\u00a0 It can be calming to see the look of sympathy in the eyes of someone else, and to hear their consoling words.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

When you tell your story in all its intensity, you are reliving the event.\u00a0 If it was stressful when it happened,\u00a0your recounting of the story may bring back the same<\/strong>\u00a0physical stress.<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Even your mental rehearsal may do that.<\/span><\/p>\n

The fact is, an estimated 10% of our stress is due to what happens to us;<\/strong>\u00a0the other\u00a090% is due to how we think about what happens to us<\/strong>, or how we habitually react to what happens. \u00a0So for one real stressful event, you may experience the same reaction many times.\u00a0 It\u2019s like getting a lot of bang for your buck, except it\u2019s much less desirable than a buck. Each time you go through your story, you are undermining your physical health and your happiness, too, by putting your body through the same raised heart rate and blood pressure, muscular tension, troubled digestion, and mental confusion.<\/span><\/p>\n

How can you get the release of telling your troubles to others in a way that is healthy?<\/span><\/p>\n

First, position yourself as a problem-solver<\/strong>, not a victim<\/span>
\n Instead of saying something like,\u00a0 \u201cWhy ME?\u201d or \u201cThings like this always happen to me?\u201d, try something like, \u201cThis was a real test of my ingenuity.\u201d Or \u201cOnce I calmed down, I figured it out.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Find some humor in the situation<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 particularly when you\u2019re in the middle of the situation.\u00a0 When my garage door froze shut, I cobbled together all the extension cords in the house, plugged my hair dryer into the end, and trudged out through the snow to warm up the lock.\u00a0 No power!\u00a0 I had to giggle when I realized that I had to go back in and plug the other end of the cords into an outlet in the house, and I giggled even more when I had to make another trip to push the re-set button.<\/span><\/p>\n

Which brings me to the next point:<\/span><\/p>\n

The joke\u2019s on you<\/strong>\u00a0 It happens to everyone, at one time or another \u2013 stress leaves us feeling so confused that we overlook simple details and make obvious mistakes. I like to say that Stress Makes Us Stupid.\u00a0 It\u2019s not the fickle finger of fate poking us once again; it\u2019s a fairly natural and predictable process \u2013 but it can be avoided.<\/span><\/p>\n

When you find yourself blocked at implementing a simple solution during a stressful period, pause, take a deep breath, and think the whole process through before you make a move.\u00a0 Don\u2019t rush because you want to the stress to end \u2013 it\u2019ll just make it worse.<\/span><\/p>\n

Determine in advance whether you\u2019re asking for advice or help<\/strong><\/span>
\n Be careful who you choose as a listener.\u00a0 Some people just have to jump in and solve your problems. Other people (often, but not always, men), see the disclosure of your feelings as a call for help<\/span><\/p>\n

Tell your listener what you want.\u00a0 Say, \u201cI\u2019m not asking for help in finding a solution at this time\/ I really just need to get this off my chest right now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Express gratitude<\/strong>\u00a0to your listener for listening to you<\/span>
\n \u201cWhew, it\u2019s great to have a friend like you. Thanks for listening.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Make it a two-way street<\/strong><\/span>
\n Needless to say, being a good listener who doesn\u2019t make judgments or give unwanted advice when other people tell their stories is a great way to get reciprocity.<\/span><\/p>\n

When you tell your story the right way, other people will be willing to listen to you again and again rather than avoiding you<\/span><\/p>\n

Regarding that frozen week of minor crises that I mentioned at the start; I figured I must have told my story right when the friend I e-mailed\u00a0 wrote back, saying, \u201cThat\u2019s the funniest story I\u2019ve heard all day.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Personal note \u00a0 This week I\u2019m off to London, Ontario, Canada, to meet with my coach in person, as well as the other wonderful people in my Master Mind group. 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