{"id":1633,"date":"2013-08-06T11:49:41","date_gmt":"2013-08-06T11:49:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/creativelifechanges.com\/?p=1633"},"modified":"2017-11-17T06:38:17","modified_gmt":"2017-11-17T06:38:17","slug":"why-cant-you-say-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quietbrillianceconsulting.com\/why-cant-you-say-no\/","title":{"rendered":"Why can\u2019t you say \u201cNO\u201d?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Personal note<\/span><\/h2>\n

It\u2019s August, and miraculously enough, where I live we are having perfect convertible weather: temperatures in the high 70\u2019s with a slight breeze, blue skies with puffy clouds. A great day for driving with the top down, letting the breeze ruffle your hair.<\/span><\/p>\n

This weather, like the first crisp days of Fall, brings with it renewed ambition and exciting dreams.<\/span><\/p>\n

Stay tuned for the program I am working up for all you overwhelmed people I talk to and hear from; have I got a zinger coming up for you!! Accessible, affordable and most of all, life transforming!!<\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/span>
\n Tired of taking care of everyone and everything around you?<\/span><\/p>\n

Feeling overwhelmed?<\/span><\/p>\n

Make the choice to check out my new FREE audio ,<\/span>
\n Be Your Own Best Caretaker,<\/em><\/strong> at http:\/\/www.CreativeLifeChanges.com<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Bring a little peace into your life!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why can\u2019t you say \u201cNO\u201d?<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

I work with so many overly-busy women who are stressed beyond belief, yet they still find it difficult to say \u201cno\u201d to the demands that come to them from all sides.\u00a0 Even when they are given permission, or even urged to say no to these demands by friends, family or managers, they still find it almost impossible to open their mouths and let this sound come out.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why is this? Well, here\u2019s one possible reason.<\/span><\/p>\n

Fear of hurting the other person or being seen as \u201cbad\u201d or \u201cselfish\u201d:<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

I have noticed that people who are afraid of saying \u201cno\u201d are often also people who find it difficult to hear \u201cno,\u201d experiencing it as rejection of their person or the belittling of their request or taste.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, they naturally assume that the other person will hear \u201cno\u201d in the same way.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Here are some tips to feeling comfortable with hearing that dreaded word:<\/strong> \u201cno\u201d often means \u201cnot now,\u201d or \u201cI have another commitment\/emergency that I must handle at this time,\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t like that particular event\/food\/whatever \u2013 but I like you just fine.\u201d It can also mean, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t spend time with you\/do that for you if you were the last person on earth.\u201d However, why not wait for more evidence before you assume that is the real meaning?<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t assume the \u201cno\u201d you hear is permanent; the same request made at another time might well bring a \u201cyes.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

When you need to use the word (and you should), here are some guidelines:<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t assume the other person is as sensitive as you are about the situation. Do assume the other person is a mature adult who can tolerate the small frustration of hearing \u201cno,\u201d especially if the situation is made clear.<\/span><\/p>\n

Say \u201cno\u201d to the request clearly, unemotionally, and, if possible, give the real reason. \u201cI\u2019m exhausted and really need to go to bed early. I\u2019d love to spend some time with you when I can really relax and enjoy your company, but this just isn\u2019t the time.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t give phony excuses \u2013 pleading a sprained ankle on which you can\u2019t put weight will make you feel really foolish if you\u2019re caught standing firmly on it at the local pizza parlor. \u201cMy grandmother is very sick and I must visit her\u201d has been used too many times by pretenders to hold up without real evidence, and being found gleefully shopping later on not only undermines your honesty but also casts doubt on your ability to care about other people. When caught out in the lie, you\u2019ll not only look foolish but the other person will feel hurt and irritated. It can be a relationship-ending move.<\/span><\/p>\n

As for thinking you are selfish for saying \u201cno\u201d: <\/strong>Do remember, saying \u201cno\u201d can be a way of protecting your commitment to promises you have already made \u2013 to loved ones, to co-workers, or to clients \u2026 or even to yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n

It has been said that \u201cyou can\u2019t say \u2018yes\u2019 until you can say \u2018no.\u2019\u201d <\/strong>When you agree, reluctantly, to do something or be somewhere when you\u2019d really rather not, your mind will wander, your facial expression and your body will covertly signal that you are not there wholeheartedly. Do you think the other person doesn\u2019t notice this?<\/span><\/p>\n

Once people recognize you are willing to say \u201cno\u201d to things that don\u2019t fit your agenda or your tastes, they will be secure in the knowledge that when you say \u201cyes\u201d it is really deeply sincere. What a compliment to the other person! Instead of coming across as selfish, you are establishing yourself as an honorable person, one who can be depended upon \u2013 in fact, a person of integrity.<\/span><\/p>\n

Doesn\u2019t that feel good?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

The Confident Introvert<\/span><\/h2>\n

\u201cWhat are they afraid of?\u201d<\/strong> my department manager used to ask after meetings in which a number of department members sat, silent and resentful, while he was unaware that his habit of springing surprise agenda items and asking for an immediate decision was very upsetting to these talented, educated introverts. Understanding, appreciating and utilizing the skills of introversion are foreign ideas to some \u2013 even to introverts. Now you can read about it in<\/span>
\n The Confident Introvert.<\/em>
\nOrder now at http:\/\/www.ConfidentIntrovert.com<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Personal note It\u2019s August, and miraculously enough, where I live we are having perfect convertible weather: temperatures in the high 70\u2019s with a slight breeze, blue skies with puffy clouds. A great day for driving with the top down, letting the breeze ruffle your hair. This weather, like the first crisp days of Fall, brings […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[428,429,93,11,12,106,32,430,318,431],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhy can\u2019t you say \u201cNO\u201d? - Quiet Brilliance Consulting<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/quietbrillianceconsulting.com\/why-cant-you-say-no\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why can\u2019t you say \u201cNO\u201d? - Quiet Brilliance Consulting\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Personal note It\u2019s August, and miraculously enough, where I live we are having perfect convertible weather: temperatures in the high 70\u2019s with a slight breeze, blue skies with puffy clouds. 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