{"id":1664,"date":"2013-09-24T09:05:58","date_gmt":"2013-09-24T09:05:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/creativelifechanges.com\/?p=1664"},"modified":"2017-11-17T06:08:54","modified_gmt":"2017-11-17T06:08:54","slug":"whose-deadline-is-it-anyway","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quietbrillianceconsulting.com\/whose-deadline-is-it-anyway\/","title":{"rendered":"Whose Deadline Is It, Anyway?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Personal note<\/span><\/h2>\n

I wrote today\u2019s article in 2011, and I\u2019m recycling it because I am being crowded by deadlines again, as I\u2019m pretty sure you are too as the Fall season kicks off, and I firmly believe that \u201cStress Makes Us Stupid.” We need constant reminders of that, and about what we can do to relieve the pressure.<\/span><\/p>\n

On the edge of starting to breathe in an anxious way, I realized this was a good time to remind myself that 90% of what we stress about is not \u201cout there.\u201d It\u2019s all in our heads.<\/span><\/p>\n

Along the way, I found out where the term \u201cdeadline\u201d originated. It seems that in a prisoner of war camp during the Civil War there was a line about 6 feet from the edge of the camp. Any prisoner who crossed that line was shot dead. Do you know how few experiences there are in life where crossing a certain line \u2013 physically or metaphorically \u2013 results in your death?<\/span><\/p>\n

Lynette Recommends<\/strong>:<\/span>
\n My amazing friend Barb Greenberg continues her work empowering divorcing women as she launches her new project:<\/span>
\n Rediscovering U offers a community of support and education, direction and hope, for women approaching, experiencing or moving forward from divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n

Upcoming Program:<\/strong><\/span>
\n Finances and Your Future,\u00a0Tuesday September 24th<\/span>
\n For more information go to http:\/\/RediscoveringU.com<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Whose Deadline Is It, Anyway?<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

<\/h2>\n

There are real deadlines it\u2019s important to meet: <\/strong>dialing 911 within seconds after witnessing symptoms of a heart attack or stroke comes to mind immediately as an example that meets the true definition of \u201cdeadline.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Responding to the urgent request of a loved one, especially a child, or of a valued client or customer is another.<\/span><\/p>\n

But then there are deadlines we obey because we are \u2026 obedient.<\/em><\/strong> They are only urgent to the extent that we are dependent on a self-image of a \u201cgood person\u201d who is consistent, reliable, faithful, and always on time. Sort of like a dog, except for the last bit about being on time.<\/span><\/p>\n

Taking seriously the request of someone who pays your salary is probably not something to debate.<\/strong> But there are deadlines that we obey because someone else requires it \u2013 they are someone else\u2019s urgency.<\/em> I have a friend who constantly rushes his girlfriend when they go shopping, fearful that all the checkout lines will be much longer if they delay an instant. How seriously you take someone else\u2019s deadline depends on the seriousness of the consequences, but many people simply respond immediately to another person\u2019s sense of urgency without asking, \u201cWhy is this important to me<\/em>?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The deadlines I was missing were all the result of a personal preference<\/em>: wanting to get something finished in order to feel good about it. You may have a mental picture of a calm, peaceful time that awaits you just on the other side of that deadline. Of course, in the meantime you are stressing yourself badly in order to get to that calm, peaceful place. Why not just jump to that calm, peaceful place? You could just seize the day and remain calm and peaceful as long as those barriers, which you have not erected and which are not under your control, are in place.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then there are deadlines that will cost us<\/em> something<\/em> if we miss them \u2013 lost time, a little discomfort, some money. <\/strong>How serious this is depends on your resources.<\/span><\/p>\n

I almost missed a connecting flight to London last year, and stopped myself in time from stressing my body for the entire first leg of the flight. Yes, it was my fault that I hadn\u2019t allowed enough time in between flights, so the airline would have charged me if I had had to take a later flight, and I would have had to sit in an airport, perhaps for hours. Yes, I would have spent a little less freely on my vacation because of this additional expense.<\/span><\/p>\n

But it\u2019s a lot better than being dead, which is what can happen to you if you repeatedly believe that life is a series of deadlines that you must<\/em> meet or else.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

This low-level panic takes a heavy toll on you psychologically and physically, lowering your immune system responsiveness and ultimately shortening your life.<\/span><\/p>\n

I sat back, relaxed, and found that the winter scenery going East was very different from my usual trip to the West Coast, and quite beautiful. Focusing on it, instead of my worry, made for a very pleasurable flight.<\/span><\/p>\n

When pressured, I\u2019ve learned to ask the following questions: \u201cWhose deadline is it, anyway?\u201d \u201cWhy is it a deadline?\u201d and \u201cWhat will it cost me if I miss it?\u201d<\/strong> If you can afford the cost, relax. It\u2019s probably a lot less than the cost of the mistakes you might make, relationships you might disrupt, and health issues that will arise because of continually putting yourself under stress.<\/span><\/p>\n

By the way, I easily made it to my flight to London, strolling leisurely from the gate at which I came in to the new gate, with time to spare, reminding me once again that 90% of our stress lies in our thinking, not in reality.<\/span><\/p>\n

Worrying wouldn\u2019t have gotten the plane there one second sooner.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

The Confident Introvert<\/span><\/h2>\n

\u201cWhat are they afraid of?\u201d<\/strong> my department manager used to ask after meetings in which a number of department members sat, silent and resentful, while he was unaware that his habit of springing surprise agenda items and asking for an immediate decision was very upsetting to these talented, educated introverts. Understanding, appreciating and utilizing the skills of introversion are foreign ideas to some \u2013 even to introverts. Now you can read about it in<\/span>
\n The Confident Introvert.<\/em>
\nOrder now at http:\/\/www.ConfidentIntrovert.com<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Personal note I wrote today\u2019s article in 2011, and I\u2019m recycling it because I am being crowded by deadlines again, as I\u2019m pretty sure you are too as the Fall season kicks off, and I firmly believe that \u201cStress Makes Us Stupid.” We need constant reminders of that, and about what we can do to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[463,464,465,101,92,466,461,467,11,468,469,106,15,32,470],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhose Deadline Is It, Anyway? - Quiet Brilliance Consulting<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/quietbrillianceconsulting.com\/whose-deadline-is-it-anyway\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Whose Deadline Is It, Anyway? 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