{"id":4424,"date":"2021-09-30T16:44:01","date_gmt":"2021-09-30T16:44:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/quietbrillianceconsulting.com\/?p=4424"},"modified":"2021-10-01T01:00:00","modified_gmt":"2021-10-01T01:00:00","slug":"growing-resilient-while-going-blind","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quietbrillianceconsulting.com\/growing-resilient-while-going-blind\/","title":{"rendered":"Growing Resilient While Going Blind"},"content":{"rendered":"

How do you bounce back when there\u2019s no place to bounce back to?<\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s the dilemma we are all facing, in various ways, as the COVID-19 pandemic winds \u2013 or does not wind \u2013 down. The landscape has changed, and we have changed.
\n<\/span>
\nThere we were happily, or at least comfortably pursuing our lives when disaster struck.
\n<\/span>
\nFor me, I finished 2019 in a state of great enthusiasm: a book on introvert leadership I had spent two years writing was gaining attention at the corporate level, I had a coaching job with a major organization that paid all my business bills, I was looking forward to getting competent in-house help with all the technical issues in my office as I revved up for doing online training, and best of all, I had met the man of my dreams. I was starting 2020 in January with a vacation trip with my closest friend before returning to all these \u201cgoodies.\u201d
\n<\/span>
\nI was, as the saying goes, \u201cwalking in high cotton.\u201d
\n<\/span>
\nOh, my vision was getting a little fuzzy, but nothing to worry about too much.
\n<\/span>
\nEnter 2020: In January 2020 the potential love of my life went back to his former girlfriend, my technical support proved to be someone with whom I could not work, my talk at the big conference at which I launched my book was interrupted \u2013 in the middle of my talk \u2013 by a call for all participants to return to their home countries immediately.
\n<\/span>
\nWhen I returned home I found I was \u201cfurloughed\u201d from my coaching job.
\n<\/span>
\nBut worst of all, I discovered I was going blind.
\n<\/span>
\nThere I was, from a December 2019 high to a low spot where I was unemployed, unsupported, unloved, and alone in the increasing dark.<\/span>
\nIt\u2019s enough to make you want to go to bed, pull the covers over your head, and cry yourself to sleep. I did that, sometimes.<\/span>
\nThen I rallied. Here are some of the lessons I learned, lessons that have helped me return to living fully, making new friends, take up renewing activities, and live with happiness and even joy every day, as I create a new life.<\/span><\/p>\n

Acknowledge Denial: <\/span><\/strong>
\n
\nDenial is one of our most useful defense mechanisms: it allows us to let \u201creality\u201d trickle in slowly, at a rate we can handle.<\/span>
\nAt the same time, you can acknowledge that you have a challenge, and imagine what resources you have, or could rally, to meet that challenge in order to live the life you want to lead.
\n<\/span>
\nWhat are your resources? List them now and often. My favorite one was saying, \u201cThere is a solution.\u00a0 I just can\u2019t see it right now.\u201d<\/span>
\nAnd to those dreadful people we all meet now and then, who insist we must \u201cface facts\u201d Right Now, we can say, \u201cAll the facts aren\u2019t known yet!\u201d
\n<\/span>
\nOrganize your grieving:<\/span><\/strong>
\n
\nGrieving is important and we need to recognize our need to do it.
\n<\/span>
\nYou can set aside a time to cry and a time to put used glass containers into a paper bag, where you smash them with a hammer in a satisfying burst of energy.
\n<\/span>
\nFind someone who is a non-judgmental friend (NOT the Reality Facer above) on whose shoulder to cry every now and then. Hint: the best way to find this person is to start right now to build those kinds of relationships.
\n<\/span>
\nBut don\u2019t go on so long that it becomes a substitute for moving forward.
\n<\/span>
\nCut out the middle man:
\n<\/span><\/strong>
\nI found that, if I went to bed and wept, sooner or later I had to get up and cope. So I thought, why not cut to the end right away? Because that interlude of self-pity has undermined us in so many ways that it only makes our task harder. We will have released chemicals in our bodies that perpetuate despair and make it harder to see different paths, solutions, support, etc.* Worst of all, they undermine our immune systems and make us age faster.
\n<\/span>
\nHey, aging rapidly doesn\u2019t help the situation, does it?
\n<\/span>
\nThat doesn\u2019t make you very much fun to be around, either, if belonging is important to you.
\n<\/span>
\nMentally rehearse the good stuff:
\n<\/span><\/strong>
\nIf you rehearse your own drama, you\u2019ll just get better at feeling bad. And better and better.
\n<\/span>
\nA friend asked what it was like to lose my vision, and I replied that it was like starting at the top of the cellar stairs, with vivid sunlight behind you, and descending slowly, as that light fades at each step, knowing that at the bottom there will be complete darkness.
\n<\/span>
\nAfter I finished saying that we both looked somber.
\n<\/span>
\nThat night, before I went to bed I decided to picture, instead, standing in a clean, dimly lighted cellar and slowly ascending the stairs to warmth and yes, light, the light of friendship and love.
\n<\/span>
\nThe brain loves to set up familiar patterns to which it can return again and again, rapidly and easily. It\u2019s what traps us in depression and despair. Don\u2019t help your brain out in its dogged determination to keep you unhappy.
\n<\/span>
\nFocus on gratitude:
\n<\/span><\/strong>
\nGratitude, you might say \u2013 for what? For being robbed of a job, a loved one, an essential sense that helps\u00a0you navigate the world?
\n<\/span>
\nBefore going to sleep, make a small list of things for which you feel grateful: people, weather, music, anything that has given a brief flash of happiness during the day. It doesn\u2019t have to be all day.
\n<\/span>
\nGratitude breeds more and more things for which you can feel grateful.
\n<\/span>
\nKeep up the practice every night and be prepared for an avalanche of good stuff.
\n<\/span>
\nHarness the Power of \u201cYet\u201d\u2122:
\n<\/span><\/strong>
\nBelieve that other, better situations exist \u2013 you just haven\u2019t found them yet. (You seldom find them in despair).<\/span>
\nWhat power there is in those three little letters: Y-E-T
\n<\/span>
\nFinish the following sentences with them:<\/span>
\n\u00a0 I haven\u2019t found a job that excites me – – –<\/span><\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t have a loving partner – – –<\/span><\/em>
\n\u00a0 There is no cure for my medical condition – – –<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Did you notice the difference in your energy from your first reading of those statements to the repeat with the simple addition of \u201cyet\u201d?
\n<\/span>
\nResilience is not just about bouncing back, but of using the disruptions of life as spurs to continue to develop and to think creatively.
\n<\/span>
\nWe are all in the process of becoming all the time, no more so than now, when we have been through the equivalent of a psychological earthquake.
\n<\/span>
\nBut a lot of psychological clutter has been cleared out of the way, and we can, if we choose, see more clearly where we can go.
\n<\/span>
\nHere is one of my favorite inspirations, a poem by Sara Teasdale:
\n<\/span>
\nBut the stars above my head<\/span><\/em>
\nBurn in white and delicate red,<\/span><\/em>
\nAnd beneath my feet the earth<\/span><\/em>
\nBrings the sturdy grass to birth.<\/span><\/em>
\nI who was content to be<\/span><\/em>
\nBut a silken-singing tree,<\/span><\/em>
\nBut a rustle of delight<\/span><\/em>
\nIn the wistful heart of night,<\/span><\/em>
\nI have lost the leaves that knew<\/span><\/em>
\nTouch of rain and weight of dew.<\/span><\/em>
\nBlinded by a leafy crown<\/span><\/em>
\nI looked neither up nor down\u2014<\/span><\/em>
\nBut the little leaves that die<\/span><\/em>
\nHave left me room to see the sky;<\/span><\/em>
\nNow for the first time I know<\/span><\/em>
\nStars above and earth below.\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>
\nMay we all \u201csee,\u201d in our own way, the potential we have to create a better world for ourselves.
\n<\/span>
\nIf you want to explore ways in which you can become more resilient to the avalanche of change around us, and at the same time contribute to peace and serenity in our world, visit my Programs page<\/strong><\/a>.
\n<\/span>
\nWith love and gratitude, <\/span>
\nLynette
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

—-
\n*If you have severe feelings of despair and\/or depression, please do seek help from a therapist or other health professional. Don\u2019t try to cope on your own if it\u2019s just too much.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Lynette Crane<\/strong> is a speaker, coach, trainer, and author who specializes in resilience training and heart-brain connections. She holds a Master\u2019s Degree in Psychology from the University of California and a life coach certification from Coach Training Alliance, and is a certified trainer and coach\/mentor with HeartMath
\n\u2122\u00a0Institute. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How do you bounce back when there\u2019s no place to bounce back to? That\u2019s the dilemma we are all facing, in various ways, as the COVID-19 pandemic winds \u2013 or does not wind \u2013 down. The landscape has changed, and we have changed. There we were happily, or at least comfortably pursuing our lives when […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4423,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[782],"tags":[797,795,794,796,798,791],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nGrowing Resilient While Going Blind - Quiet Brilliance Consulting<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"How do you bounce back when there\u2019s no place to bounce back to?That\u2019s the dilemma we are all facing, in various ways, as the...\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/quietbrillianceconsulting.com\/growing-resilient-while-going-blind\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Growing Resilient While Going Blind - 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