What is life was a multiple choice test?

Personal note

On these lovely summer mornings, I sit on my porch, sipping coffee, reading the newspaper, glancing up every now and then to enjoy the natural beauty all around me.  Canadian geese parade through the park across the street, inquisitive duck couples explore my yard for a new homesite, snowy egrets stand erect and aloof on the island in the middle of the lake, showing their disdainful profiles, and, most wonderful of all, a small rabbit and a squirrel come out to play, chasing each other in circles and then hiding from each other, only to come out and do it all again.

Soon, however, the street in front of my house fills up with parked cars and people calling loud greetings to one another as they walk toward the nearby school.  Fumes fill the air; the serene view is obscured. Visitors and repairmen are forced to park several blocks away and walk to my home, sometimes carrying heavy loads.

These cars weren’t here when I bought the house and contemplated hours of rural serenity in an urban setting.

I could spend my days in a state of irritation about this invasion of my paradise, but I choose to enjoy the respite I have at the beginning and end of each day, and to remind myself that the price of living in a city with theaters, museums, concert halls, and all the other blessings of civilization is just that – the presence of other people.

As the saying goes, “You pays your money, and you takes your choice.”

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What is life was a multiple choice test?

If life was a multiple choice test, would you always pick the same answer? “Let’s see, it’s choice B. Guess I’ll go with that all the way.”

At least in a real multiple choice test, you can see all choices – usually four – laid out and you may even ponder them before you mark your choice.

In real life, we frequently act as if we see only one choice, even if we’re surrounded with more than four choices. Habit and stress conspire to make us believe there’s only once choice open to us – and we’d better take it right away, without pausing too much to think.

Here are some examples of clients who looked around, paused, and made a different choice, with admirable consequences.

Alicia, riding the bus to work every day, thought she had to spend the time worrying in advance about the work that awaited her on her desk. She was especially concerned about her coming year-end review, on which her bonus depended.

She learned to breathe deeply, put the future out of her mind, and look around her on the bus. She looked at her seatmate, responded to a remark he made, found herself in an interesting conversation, and ended up with a great new client who was impressed with her intelligence and enthusiasm. Her boss was impressed, her review was great, and so was her bonus.

Deb’s husband shrugged after he failed (again) to take garbage out when she had asked him to do so. The kitchen filled with ants. (Not the first time.) She decided not to respond angrily by saying, “You never listen to me,” as she had done before.   Instead she asked quietly (as unemotionally as she could under the circumstances), “When did you decide that what I asked you to do wasn’t important?” He was astonished to find that what he thought was no big deal was something she interpreted as a rejection of her importance. The result was an in-depth conversation about their relationship that was considerably less hostile than previous such conversations.

And my story: Often, when I go through a line, or ask for information, the person I speak to will address me as “young lady.” Now, that is patently absurd, as I can by no mental stretch be thought of as young, except possibly by centenarians.

My typical response has been to smile politely and ignore the remark, but frankly, I find it patronizing, as if the speaker assumes that by a certain age you’re really just a child again, innocent and naïve.

The last time this happened, I chose to ask, with curiosity, “When you call me ‘young lady,’ do you intend that as a compliment?” The speaker stammered a bit and said, “I guess so,” rather uncertainly. I went on to ask, “If I called you ‘young man,’ would you feel complimented?” “No” was the cautious answer. I told him that I was sure he hadn’t realized it, but I didn’t feel complimented either. We went on to chat in a very friendly manner; he helped me, and I gave him some information about a possible job.

Responding with a question that is prompted by curiosity and that doesn’t sound hostile or defensive is a great way to clarify communication between two people.

So look at your habitual reaction to situations and see where you can change your focus or your response to discover riches you hadn’t noticed.

As Auntie Mame said to her nephew, Patrick, “Life is a great big banquet, and most of the sons-of-bitches at it are starving to death.”

Don’t starve to death. Open your eyes to the rich choices around you.